Gabrielle: "Joxer. I think I have something."
Joxer: "What?"
Gabrielle: "Okay. It says in the Amazon Scrolls that if an accused man pledges his allegiance to the Queen, he may be pardoned for a first offense."
Joxer: "Okay, great. Well, whatever you do, do it quick. Dinner tonight is spaghetti and eyeballs ... mine"

Gabrielle: "You're always overreacting."
Joxer: "Hey, are you aware that that girl Rhea wants to have my baby?"
Gabrielle: "And you're delusional. Joxer, listen, next time you see me you have to pledge your undying, eternal allegiance to me."
Joxer: "Hey, pledge this … 'deer'."

Eris: "Queen Gabrielle, it's time for the Full-Moon Ceremony." Gabrielle: "Hooray for ceremonies! Great!"

Gabrielle: "No animals are going to be harmed in this ritual are they? I mean, I'm not drinking blood or anything?"
Cyane: "Nothing like that."
Gabrielle: "Good."
Cyane: "Now we take off your clothes."
Gabrielle: "Excuse me?"
Cyane: "We can't cover the rest of your body while you're still wearing clothes."
Gabrielle: "I don't think I'm familiar with this ritual."
Cyane: "As Queen, you must pay tribute to the full moon."
Gabrielle: "In mud?"
Cyane: "You must show the glory of your form to Sister Moon so that she will smile on you. It is an important Amazon tradition."
Gabrielle: "Right. Well, then for tradition's sake … what's next?"
Cyane: "Sister Wolf must talk to the moon."

Gabrielle: (howls into the night) "How long does Sister Wolf have to at howl at Sister Moon?" Cyane: "Until Sister Sun chases Sister Moon away." Gabrielle: "What?" Cyane: "The tradition." Gabrielle: "Alright. Alright … (continues her howling)"

Eris: "Ah ah ah ah ah ah !!!!! … (abruptly ends her routine of successive flips by 'flipping' into the wall of Gab's hut)."
Xena: "I hate it when that happens."
Eris: "I have to work out a few kinks, but you gotta admit - those were some pretty cool flips."
Xena: "Yeah, they were pretty cool."
Eris: "What about the war cry?"
Xena: "It kinda sounded like a yak in labor."
Eris: "Well, I can work on it."

Eris: "Xena, now that you and Gabrielle are broken up, you definitely need a new traveling partner."
Xena: "No, no. Hang on. See, Gabrielle and I have only separated for a couple of weeks, just so we can work things out."

Xena: "I'm gonna get a few things together. Can you look after Eve?"
Eris: "Oh, yeah."
Xena: "I won't be long."
Eris: (to Eve) "Hi."

Gabrielle: "Now!"
Joxer: "Oh, Queen Gabrielle."
Gabrielle: "Yes."
Joxer: "Hearken unto me. I have done wrong. I pledge my eternal allegiance to you.
Gabrielle: "Then I guess you won't mind if I do this."
Joxer: "Ow!"
Gabrielle: "Or this."
Joxer: "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! … No, thank you, my Queen."
Gabrielle: "I'll take in into consideration."

Joxer: (to Rhea) "Hi there. Remember me? The name's Joxer, J-O-X-E-R. The 'X' is extra-super sexy' … (Rhea whips out a knife) … Oh, okay, don't cut them. I need them both … (she begins to cut through the ropes) … Oh! Oh, boy!"

Eris: "I took the liberty of packing some of my stuff for the trip."
Xena: "The trip?"
Eris: "If you only want me for a couple of weeks, I can live with that. It'll be a great experience, and who knows what will develop."
Xena: "Eris, I'm not looking for a sidekick, temporary or otherwise. I'm sorry."

Eris: "I took out some of those scrolls over there to make room for some of my stuff. I didn't know what you wanted to do with them. I think they belong to Gabrielle."
Xena: "Thanks, I'll get them."

Xena: (to Eve) "Wanna hear a story? Let's have a look. Hey, The Return of Callisto -- this'll be a good one … 'I sing of the wrath of Callisto, the pain of Gabrielle and the courage of Xena, and the inevitable mystery of a friendship as immortal as the gods.'"

Rhea: "So, how do we start?"
Joxer: "Uh … oh … ah … um … um …"
Rhea: "You don't find me attractive?"
Joxer: "No, you're - you're very attractive. I just don't think this is going to work. Look, you're a Pagan, I'm a Zoroastrian. How will we raise our kids?"
Rhea: "Just tell me what to do and we'll see how it goes. So, how do we start?"
Joxer: "Uh … well, first would be a kiss."
Rhea: "On the lips?"
Joxer: "Good place to start."

Rhea: "How was that?" Joxer: "Pathetic, actually - but just remember these words, 'practice, practice, practice'." Rhea: (kisses him again with more fervor) "So, what do you think?" Joxer: "Better … better."

Cyane: "It's time to punish the blasphemer." Gabrielle: "Before we do that, there's something I want to point out. He pledged his allegiance to me. It says here …" Cyane: "You're going to pardon him." Gabrielle: "Yes, the Code says that I can forgive a first offense. I choose to do that." Cyane: "Very well, I'll release him."

Joxer: "Oh, look, look! This is not right."
Rhea: "It's not working?"
Joxer: "Oh, it's definitely working. Look, you're a young kid trying to find answers too fast. You need to find somebody your own age. I can't take advantage of you this way."
Rhea: "Oh, how sweet!"
Joxer: "Look, we've got to stop this … by tomorrow."

Cyane: "Rhea! What are you doing?!"
Rhea: "It's called kissing. Want to try it?"
Cyane: "Both of you, come with me."

Gabrielle: (feather dusting her antler throne) "Is this another ceremony I don't know about?"
Cyane: "This time, he has broken the most sacred law of the Amazons. He was kissing Rhea out of season … and who knows what else."
Gabrielle: "Is this true, Rhea?"
Rhea: "Yes, but it was all my fault!"
Cyane: "And for that, you'll be banished. But, we can't show mercy to him. It's not his first crime so you aren't allowed to pardon him. Our tradition requires him to accept the Royal Challenge."
Joxer: "Royal Challenge? What's that?"
Cyane: "A fight to the death with the Queen of the Amazons."