Crabella: "Whatever! The point is you two aint' getting hitched." Sturgina: "Seems like a shame to waste the minister and the cake, wouldn't you say?" Crabella: "My thoughts exactly. I guess it's time to choose." Hagar: "Choose what?!" Sturgina: "Your new wife."

Gabrielle: "My best friends, huh?"
Crabella: "Not our fault you don't know a good thing when you see it."
Sturgina: "So, who's it gonna be, Hagar?"
Crabella: "Before you decide, you should know that Sturgina snores like an asthmatic walrus."
Sturgina: "You should also know that every member of the council knows exactly what the top of Crabella's head looks like … if you get my meaning."
Crabella: "That's it!" - a major, Springer-style cat-fight ensues.

Hagar: "Look, after what I did to Gorb - Gerbil - uh …"
Gabrielle: "Gabrielle."
Hagar: "Gabrielle. I'm going to spend some time alone and figure out how to make it up to her."
Sturgina: "I'm sorry, Hagar, but … we just can't allow that to happen."
Crabella: "Right. If we can't have him, no one can!"
Hagar: "I'll handle this."
Gabrielle: "Allow me."

Gabrielle: "What's a bloody nose among friends?" Sturgina: "I'm going to enjoy taking that ring off your severed finger!" Gabrielle: "If you wanted my finger, all you had to do was ask."

Flipper: "Sorry about all the tricks we played on you." Gabrielle: "It's okay, I understand. Look, never lose your sense of humor, okay?" Flipper: "I'll miss you, Lady Whoever-You-Are." Gabrielle: "Me, too."

Gabrielle: "Urchin … your curiosity's going to take you many places."
Urchin: "What -"
Gabrielle: "That's very funny."

Gabrielle: "And you, little lady - you have showed me that I have more patience than I ever dreamed that I could have."

Gabrielle: "Listen, I need to talk to your dad for a minute … I think you should have this (wedding ring)."
Hagar: "No, no, no. Look, I … if there is anything I can do to make it up to you, I will."
Gabrielle: "Actually, there is something you can do."
Hagar: "Okay, name it."
Gabrielle: "You go to your wife - your real wife - and you show her what you've shown me, that behind this sexist, corporate-climbing, self-centered, lazy, stupid …"
Hagar: "Okay, I get it. I get it."
Gabrielle: "… there's a man with integrity who learned from his mistakes."
Hagar: "Okay, I can do that."

Gabrielle: "Here."
Hagar: "No, no. You keep it. It'll be something to remember us by. Besides, it looks better on you than it does on me." - They smooch.

Gabrielle: (in her delirium kisses Joxer who is trying to give her mouth-to-mouth) "What are you doing?!" Joxer: "Well, apparently just what you've always - OOF !!!"

Xena: "You want to tell me something, Gabrielle?"
Gabrielle: "What a weird dream."
Aphrodite: "You almost drowned! You were out for, like, a whole minute."
Discord: "Thanks to this lemon tart."
Aphrodite: "Aren't you late for your delousing?"
Discord: "Right! That's it!"

Xena: Ladies, do you want to take this someplace else? Unless, you want a taste of my new chakram." Discord: "Olympus. 3:00. Be there." Aphrodite: "Can't wait. Your black eye will match your outfit perfectly."

Xena: (Eve starts crying again) "It's alright." Gabrielle: "Can I? Can I try?" Xena: "I don't know. You sure you're alright?" Gabrielle: "Better than ever." Xena: "Alright. Okay."

Gabrielle: (to a now quiet Eve) "I have a new story for you. This woman fell into the deep, blue sea … and she found herself in another world."

DISCLAIMER: No Sea Nymphs or other Denizens of the Deep were harmed during the production of this motion picture