Xena:

"Alright, listen up.

Playing music's the best way for a muse to inspire,

And the best sounding band will win Terpsichore's lyre."

Gabrielle:

"If the people don't mind,

There's a contest for Peace."

And we'll do it right here ..."

Spiro:

"... in Melodia, music capital of Greece."

Spiro:

"Hi, Vargus."

Vargus:

"Hi, Spiro.

What's the hurry?

Why the scurry?

Where's the fire?

Why the lyre?"

Spiro:

"Didn't you here? There's a contest in town!"

Sarah:

"Hi, Corry."

Corry:

"Hi, Sarah.

News I'm bringing.

Time for singing.

Can you hum?

Get your drum."

Sarah:

"Oh, my gosh! There's a contest in town!"

Villagers:

"Is there really a jam?"

Spiro:

"Yeah!"

Villagers:

"Can we participate?"

Spiro:

"Sure."

Villagers:

"Should we go right now?"

Spiro:

"Why not?"

Villagers:

"Or is it too late?"

Spiro:

"No!"

Villagers:

"Yeah! There's really a jam!

For you and the rest!

So take your sitars

And give it your best!"

Alabardus:

(out of key) "Hello, Farmer Paxon. I am Alabardus.

Won't you let me sing with you?"

Farmer Paxon:

"Is there really a jam?"

Alabardus:

"Yes there is."

Farmer Paxon:

"I've got talent to spare."

Alabardus:

"That's why I asked."

Farmer Paxon:

"Just take over my stand ..."

Alabardus:

"But I thought ..."

Farmer Paxon:

"... and get out of my hair."

Villager:

"Hit your note in your key."

Baritone:

"That's to high."

Soprano:

"But not for me."

Alabardus:

"Hello, Miss Leandra. I am Alabardus.

Won't you let me sing with you?"

Wealthy Villager:

"Got no talent? I got money.

I just need to bribe the judge."

Amazons:

"Oh, they think they're so cool ..."

Draco's Men:

"We got talent ..."

Amazons:

"... playing music's a gag ..."

Draco's Men:

"... we got music ..."

Amazons:

"... when you get on stage ..."

Draco's Men:

"... we got singing ..."

Amazons:

"... they'll fall on their ..."

Alabardus:

"Hello, kind barbarian. I am Alabardus.

Please just let me sing with you."

*** Musical Mayhem abounds.

Xena: "So, I'm figuring this will be a great place for a stage."
Gabrielle: "Xena, the word is out. The bands are coming in from everywhere."
Joxer: "Wow!"
Xena: "I guess the contest is going to be bigger than we thought."
Gabrielle: "Yeah."
Xena: "Well, everybody deserves a chance."

Xena: "Gabrielle, why don't you just audition each band as it comes in and make a first cut? Good girl. Joxer, get together some villagers, see if you can build a stage, I'm figuring here." Joxer: "Okay." Xena: "Yeah!"

Cyrene: "Xena!"
Xena: "Mom."
Cyrene: "So, it's true. And when were going to tell me?"
Xena: "Amphipolis was my next stop."
Cyrene: "You look positively radiant. When are we going to meet your ‘special someone'?"
Xena: "If you mean the father, the answer's never. He's not in my life."
Cyrene: "But, Xena, every child needs a father."
Xena: "You raised me on your own."
Cyrene: "I attest it would have been much easier with help."
Xena: "I have help."
Cyrene: "You have now."
Xena: "Ohh."

Xena: (sarcastically) "Oh, Gabrielle, sign them up." Gabrielle: "Kill me ... please." Joxer: "Oh, come on, they can't all be ... mediocre." Gabrielle: "No, they all suck. Sadly everyone in the music capital of Greece is tone deaf." Xena: (hears disco music from afar) "... maybe not everyone."

Jace: "Everyone! Why don't you all throw up you hands and feel my rhythm!"
Xena: "Another one?"
Joxer: "It's my brother, Jace."

Jace: "We get it on most every night And when that moon gets big and bright It's a supernatural delight. Everybody was dancing in the moonlight. Everybody here is out of sight. But they don't bark and they don't bite. They keep things loose, they keep things light. Everybody was dancing in the moonlight." Chorus: "Dancing in the moonlight. Everybody's feeling warm and bright. It's such a fine and natural sight. Everybody's dancing in the moonlight." Jace: "We like our fun but never fight. You can't dance and stay uptight. It's a supernatural delight. Everybody was dancing in the moonlight. Chorus: "Dancing in the moonlight. Everybody's feeling warm and bright. It's such a fine and natural sight. Everybody's dancing in the moonlight." Jace: "Come on! Baila, mi amigos! Baila! You think that was something? This is how we dance before breakfast where I come from! Repeat after me! Ole Ole!" Chorus: "Ole! Ole!" Jace: "Ole! Ole!" Chorus: "Ole! Ole!" Jace: "Dancing in the moonlight. Everybody's feeling warm and bright. It's such a fine and natural sight. Everybody's dancing in the moonlight!"

Draco: "You fall off the circus wagon, boy? We don't like your kind here, freak."
Gabrielle: "Let's take him."
Draco: "Gabrielle, I am just trying to keep you from getting infected by this lily-livered panty twist."
Xena: "You touch so much as a hair on Jace's head, I'll scalp ya ... good luck in the contest."