The Rheingold

Sigh, how many deep, dark secrets can one Warrior Princess have? Yet another evil deed from Xena's past comes back to haunt her. Xena sneaks off in the middle of the night to team up with the legendary Beowulf to track down a monster. Meanwhile, Gabrielle teams up with a nubile young blond (who, if you ask me, has some hidden agenda) to find a missing Xena.


[A young Xena sits near a campfire in the middle of a dark forest. From the distance, a monster slowly approaches. Xena inspects a golden ring in the flickering light of the campfire, and then places it on her finger. She stands, completely undaunted by the hulking monster that now stands behind her.]

'It looks good on me'
Xena: "It looks good on me don't ya think? I'm waiting for you [she attacks the monster, which looks like a cross between the Destroyer and a Banyan tree] You don't get it, do you? As long as I wear this ring, you can't win!"

[Xena manages to knock the monster into what appears to be an old mine. With much ado, she chains up the gates with a lock in the shape of two ravens. Not one to give up easily, the monster grabs hold of Xena's arm in hopes of keeping a souvenir of the Warrior Princess. When she finally frees her arm, the ring is gone.]

Xena: "Don't think you've won anything! These chains will hold you for eternity and you will never use the power of the ring! Never!"

[Xena hops on her trusty steed and flies away.]


35 Years Later

'I'm relishing it'
Gabrielle: "What?"
Xena: "You gonna finish that?"
Gabrielle: "All of it."
Xena: "I thought the portions here were kinda small."
Gabrielle: "You're not getting mine."
Xena: "Come on, Gabrielle, you're playing with your food."
Gabrielle: "No, I'm relishing it."

'You got business with me, Beowulf?'
Xena: "You got a problem? I don't appreciate people staring at me while I'm trying to eat."
Beowulf: "Are you Xena?"
Xena: "Yeah, who wants to know?"
Beowulf: "My name is Beowulf."
Xena: "You got business with me, Beowulf? [Beowulf tosses a broken lock in the shape of two ravens on the table] I gotta talk to this man, Gabrielle."


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