Well, this episode was very … um … hmm … just when you thought it couldn't get worse, it did … but don't take my word for it … read on … if you dare … but don't say I didn't warn you.

Gabrielle: (to a very cranky baby) "Come on, Eve … Come on, Eve. … Who's your favorite auntie? Gabby! … Xena will be back any minute, I promise. She's just grabbing a quick bath … Come on, hush, hush, hush, hush, now … I'll give you a dinar … I'll give you five dinars … Oh, please!"

Xena: "Alright, Sweetheart, mama's here."
Gabrielle: "Xena, I can't figure out what's wrong with her."
Xena: "Babies cry, Gabrielle. It's just a fact of life … (Eve finally stops crying) … I'm her mother."
Gabrielle: "You're a natural. I thought I was, but I lost my touch."
Xena: "Nah, you're great with kids."

Gabrielle: "Xena, I don't have to patience to even raise my own." Xena: "You rise to every occasion, Gabrielle, I don't think motherhood's going to be any different. Don't lose any sleep over it." Gabrielle: (regarding a now snoozing Eve) "Speaking of."

Joxer: "Come and get it !!!" Gabrielle: "Shh !!! Quiet."

Joxer: "What? It's not sleeping, is it? Here's the grub for the spud."
Xena: "What's this?!"
Joxer: "You asked for baby food."
Xena: "Baby back ribs are not baby food, Joxer."
Gabrielle: "Eve doesn't have teeth. How is she supposed to tear meat from the bone?"
Joxer: "What, she doesn't have hands?"

Gabrielle: "You. Me. Town. Now." Joxer: "Fine. Hey, you don't mind if I have some of those do you? You can 'spare' some ribs. Get it? … (Gabrielle drags him into a tree) … Oof !!! Gabrielle: "Watch that tree."

Pirate: "She love me … she loves me not … she loves me … she loves me not …" Discord: "Well, if it isn't the ever-titillating Aphrodite. I almost didn't recognize you with your legs closed." Aphrodite: "Discord … are you still looking for someone to shave your back?"

Discord: "You've crossed the line for the last time. That pirate that you turned into a love-sick idiot, I had big plans for him."
Aphrodite: "All I did was give him a slight attitude adjustment."
Discord: "By cutting off his …"
Aphrodite: "Alright, it's time someone washed your mouth out with soap."

Discord: "Uggh! You're dead Bimbolina!" - starts shooting fireballs at Aphrodite." Aphrodite: (having successfully returned three fireballs) "Love 40!"

Joxer: "What's going on?!" Gabrielle: "Give you two guesses … (whistles to get the goddess' attention) … Aphrodite, got a problem?" Aphrodite: "Nothing that a bucket of disinfectant can't fix." Discord: "Eat me, hosebag!"

*** Discord continues to shoot fireballs at Aphrodite until one goes astray and loosens a large pulley and knocks Gabrielle upside her pretty blond head.

Hagar: (who happens to look exactly like a certain bumbling Joxer) "Are you okay?"
Gabrielle: "Where am I?"
Hagar: "You took a nasty spill."
Gabrielle: "I don't remember … anything. Not - not this place - not - not you -- not -- (notices that she now sports a big fin instead of legs) my legs! My legs! What happened to my legs?!"
Hagar: "Just - you know, fins when you're in the water, legs when you're out. You don't remember anything, do you?"
Gabrielle: "No."

Hagar: "Total amnesia … that's perfect … ly awful. The kids and I were worried sick." Gabrielle: "What kids?" Hagar: "Our kids!"